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When Hope Is Hard

Some words are just words. Until they happen. Words like miscarriage, divorce, addiction, cancer, infertility can suddenly become so much more. They become memories, smells, feelings, tears, a dull ache that never goes away. And when that happens, hope is so hard.

Around the middle of November I whispered, "Can we fast forward to January 1st? I don't have the emotional energy for another holiday season." Because if you’re holding onto hope by the skin of your teeth from January to November, December can hit like a bomb and break your heart in a whole new way. Don’t ask me how I know.

As I strung lights on the banister and lit candles, I felt hope slipping fast from my grip. Holding On For Dear Life has a way of exhausting a soul at its core. And then I realized.... I could just let go. I could release the death grip because hope isn’t a thing trying to escape. Hope is a Person who came to stay. It’s not up to me to find, seize, and tie down hope. Hope slips in quiet, res…

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