The Marriage Adventure

Chad and I have been married for nine and a half years. In the past nine months, we’ve needed to purchase a new lawnmower, computer, printer, washer, vacuum, and living room furniture. It felt like all of our earthly possessions collectively threw up their hands and said, “That’s it. We have served our time.” 

In the past nine months, there have also been days of misunderstandings and seasons of struggling to connect. It felt like all of our old rhythms and routines that used to foster a healthy marriage had also checked out on us. We were still going through the motions but A + B no longer equaled C. My initial response to any sort of bump in our marriage is usually panic. I had a front row seat to a marriage falling apart at a very impressionable age. I know what can happen and I'm always just a bit on edge when it comes to my own marriage. But my very kind and gentle husband is slowly teaching me that panic is generally not necessary. It might be my knee jerk reaction but I’m learning to move past it to healthier responses. Taking a step or two back from the emotion of the moment and having actual conversations with my husband before 9:00 PM have turned out to be quite helpful in smoothing the bumps in the road. 

During our most recent bump, I realized that the biggest source of our struggle was that we have both changed. A lot. We got married as literal babies. I do not regret this choice for even a minute. But the truth is, there is a boatload of maturing that happens between 19 and 29. When we said I do, we were just whispers of the person we would become. The past ten years have been a settling into ourselves both individually and as a couple. The man I woke up beside this morning is literally not the same man I married. I'm not the same woman either. 

"He/she has changed. He/she isn't the same person I married," is a very common reason given for divorce. A spouse that has changed is often viewed as an obstacle that cannot be overcome. But I'm choosing to view it as an invitation to a new chapter. Change is a sign of healthy growth. Only dead things don't change. I loved the boy with the crooked smile on first base. He's not that boy anymore. Now, I get to learn and love the man with thinning hair and big dreams. 

Recently, someone asked me what the difference is between an ordeal and an adventure. I decided the difference lies in my attitude. If I look at uncertain circumstances and think "Oh no! What's going to happen??" that makes it feel like an ordeal. If I look at uncertain circumstances and think, "Hmmm, I wonder what could happen here?" that makes it feel like an adventure.

I think marriage is one of the greatest adventures. I'm glad to be going on it with him.