Epitome of Hope
Her first cries shattered the air at 5:22 PM.
Night fell and I begged her daddy to hold me and pray.
Something had shattered inside me as well.
I went home and tried to pick up the shards,
Struggled to find my way in motherhood,
Groped in the choking darkness,
Until the girl in the mirror became a stranger.
If I survive this,
If I ever feel the light again,
I will do anything to avoid reliving this hell.
I may never want to hear another child's first cries.
That little girl turned two and I saw the thing I feared the most-
Two distinct lines on a pregnancy test.
That's when the miracle began.
I expected despair and dread.
Where they should have resided, I felt hope unfurl in full color.
Hope more tangible than my shaking hands and pounding heart.
The journey to healing doesn't always lead away from the cause of our pain.
Sometimes it takes us right back to it,
Offering us a chance to rewrite the ending.
This unborn child is the epitome of hope, healing, and second chances,
To a momma who desperately needed all three.
Night fell and I begged her daddy to hold me and pray.
Something had shattered inside me as well.
I went home and tried to pick up the shards,
Struggled to find my way in motherhood,
Groped in the choking darkness,
Until the girl in the mirror became a stranger.
If I survive this,
If I ever feel the light again,
I will do anything to avoid reliving this hell.
I may never want to hear another child's first cries.
That little girl turned two and I saw the thing I feared the most-
Two distinct lines on a pregnancy test.
That's when the miracle began.
I expected despair and dread.
Where they should have resided, I felt hope unfurl in full color.
Hope more tangible than my shaking hands and pounding heart.
The journey to healing doesn't always lead away from the cause of our pain.
Sometimes it takes us right back to it,
Offering us a chance to rewrite the ending.
This unborn child is the epitome of hope, healing, and second chances,
To a momma who desperately needed all three.
Wow. I hardly know what I feel reading this. Maybe a tiny bit of hope? I hope so! I think I could relate on so many levels. I am terrified of Baby #2. I think I would write more if I had an email address; I am not as brave as I appear!
ReplyDeleteblessings, Louella
I would love to chat more through email... feel to send me anything at onebravething17@gmail.com 😊
Delete💗 so thankful for Gods directing and healing! hugs!!💗
ReplyDelete💗 so thankful for Gods directing and healing! hugs!!💗
ReplyDeleteWow. Powerful words. So glad you are feeling God's hope. He is so good to carry us through things we don't think we can handle.
ReplyDeleteGina
I have not faced postpartum depression like you have...but with my first I did struggle finding a new normal ...then our second had food allergy and screamed hours and hours till we discovered by trial and error the allergy. In the screaming is when I felt no love for her just an exhausting nightmare and I didnt think I'd want another baby ever...Then baby 3 had the same allergy but I knew what to do for her and for the first I really enjoyed the new baby phases. I trust this baby will healing to the hard road you've already traveled.
ReplyDeleteI just saw your sonogram picts what precious life! I lost a little one in Jan and only realized then how much you attach to and love them when they are yet so tiny.
Thanks for sharing a bit of your mothering journey.... I love to hear people's stories. And you certainly don't have to have postpartum depression for motherhood to be incredibly hard! And hugs to you as you grieve the loss of your little one. ❤️
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