Expect Grace

I walked in the mist and fog, alone. Hoping, praying, and dreaming of holding a tiny human soon. It was then I saw a piece of litter that broke me. The box was labeled Plan B. I felt my heart constrict because every night I fall asleep to the bumps and wiggles of a little girl who could have caused me to buy the exact same box.

I thought of the woman who tossed that box out the window. I longed to look in her eyes and whisper hope. "This baby might not have been in your plans, but he/she is in God's plan. And I promise you, there. will. be. grace. I know, because I've felt it."

I didn't think I was ready for another baby. I watched Vienna blow out two candles on her cupcake. I realized I was starting to thrive instead of survive. Yet, I wasn't sure I had the courage to repeat those first two years with another child.

And then the positive pregnancy test. My pounding heart. Shaking hands. Stretch marks darkening to crimson. Tiny feet wedging under ribs. Questions demanding answers. Fear lurking on the edges. The weight of it all bearing down. Lungs begging for full breath. And through it all, grace.

My baby girl has grown and stretched me to the fullest. Grace never stops expanding to carry me through. I barely recognize myself in the mirror. Grace reshapes us in the best ways. She will leave her marks on me long after she has left me. When grace gets ahold of us, we are never the same. They will place her in my arms and we will cry together because I'm cradling living, breathing proof that grace is real.

I'm expecting my little girl's birth. I'm expecting grace to burst forth into the light and surround us all.