When Hope Is Hard
Some words are just words. Until they happen. Words like miscarriage, divorce, addiction, cancer, infertility can suddenly become so much more. They become memories, smells, feelings, tears, a dull ache that never goes away. And when that happens, hope is so hard.
Around the middle of November I whispered, "Can we fast forward to January 1st? I don't have the emotional energy for another holiday season." Because if you’re holding onto hope by the skin of your teeth from January to November, December can hit like a bomb and break your heart in a whole new way. Don’t ask me how I know.
As I strung lights on the banister and lit candles, I felt hope slipping fast from my grip. Holding On For Dear Life has a way of exhausting a soul at its core. And then I realized.... I could just let go. I could release the death grip because hope isn’t a thing trying to escape. Hope is a Person who came to stay. It’s not up to me to find, seize, and tie down hope. Hope slips in quiet, rests a hand on my weary heart, and whispers “I’m here.”
I exhale and the struggle eases. And although Christmas still fees so hard because some words are not just words, I can walk brave. Because Hope is here.
* I promised myself that today, I would hit “publish” on these words. Silence is easier when the pain is so real. But I’m guessing someone else needs the reminder that Jesus is Hope this season. And so I’m writing them for you.
Around the middle of November I whispered, "Can we fast forward to January 1st? I don't have the emotional energy for another holiday season." Because if you’re holding onto hope by the skin of your teeth from January to November, December can hit like a bomb and break your heart in a whole new way. Don’t ask me how I know.
As I strung lights on the banister and lit candles, I felt hope slipping fast from my grip. Holding On For Dear Life has a way of exhausting a soul at its core. And then I realized.... I could just let go. I could release the death grip because hope isn’t a thing trying to escape. Hope is a Person who came to stay. It’s not up to me to find, seize, and tie down hope. Hope slips in quiet, rests a hand on my weary heart, and whispers “I’m here.”
I exhale and the struggle eases. And although Christmas still fees so hard because some words are not just words, I can walk brave. Because Hope is here.
* I promised myself that today, I would hit “publish” on these words. Silence is easier when the pain is so real. But I’m guessing someone else needs the reminder that Jesus is Hope this season. And so I’m writing them for you.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDelete