For Vienna and Shiloh
* This may be the most vulnerable and controversial topic I have ever posted about. This is born out of my own struggle with food and the image of the girl in the mirror. I needed to write the words to make sense of it all. Maybe you can relate?
I do this thing that I'm not proud of. A thing I hope and pray my daughters never do. I stand in front of the mirror and think that all of God's creation is good.... except the body he gave me.
This body that sustained two little lives for nearly three years. This body that enables me to write, to run, to read. This body I laugh in, cry in. This body my husband pulls close in the dark. Even as these words fill the screen, I can see the harsh glare of the lie. It's a known fact that the world's view of women and bodies is twisted and wrong. How much has the world's mindset influenced my own thinking and body image? And how is my own view of my body influencing my girls?
Dove interviewed a group of moms and their daughters separately, asking them what they liked and disliked about their bodies. The daughters chose the same body parts as their moms. Because they had heard their mom complain about her big nose, short neck, or thick thighs, it made the daughters look in the mirror and criticize that same thing. This makes me want to cry. It would break my heart to hear my daughter complain about not having a thigh gap. In my eyes, she's beautiful and I wouldn't change a thing about how she looks. Why do I forget that God views me the same way? He CREATED me and he LOVES me.
There are so many layers to this subject of body image. There's diet culture, eating disorders, disordered eating, (yes, those are two different things) obesity, fad diets and truthfully, it all makes my head spin. How can a woman make sense of it all and have a healthy body image without becoming obsessed? I have found that if I frame this issue through the lens of what I want my daughters to know, it brings so much clarity.
So I'm writing this for my girls. Here's what I long for them to know about their bodies and how they look and move in the world. I will try my best to live this out because they are taking all their cues from me.
Bodies change.
I am not the same woman I was five years ago. I've felt darkness and light on levels I didn't know were possible. Those things have a way of changing a woman, softening her, molding her. I view the world through different eyes. While I embrace these changes in my character, I seem to think that my body should be the one thing that always stays the same. It's foolish and ridiculous. Nothing stays the same. Time never stops. I will chose to lean into the changes, rather than resent them.
Food is fuel.
Our bodies need food to function just like a car needs gas to run. When we feel hunger, its our bodies way of letting us know that the fuel is "low." When the gas light comes on in our car, we don't try to convince it that it doesn't need gas or tell it to wait two more hours and then it can have gas. We respect that light, and stop at a nearby gas station. Trying to convince ourselves that we are not hungry will not benefit us in any way and will leave us stranded on the side of the road, with no energy to live the life God gave us.
On the flip side of that coin, filling our gas tanks to the point of overflowing is not helpful either. Learning to recognize when we are satisfied is just as important as honoring our hunger.
Finally, a full gas tank can do nothing to help you if your tire is flat or your engine has blown up. In the same way, food does not help loneliness, stress, or worry. I want my daughters to see me turning to Jesus in those moments instead of opening the fridge door.
Please eat the cake.
It is okay to enjoy food, celebrate with food, and connect with people over food. It's more than okay. It's wonderful. While I try to not eat a lot of desserts at home, I never turn down cake at a birthday party or carry in. I love cake and eating it with friends, while laughing and talking, makes the experience even more enjoyable.
Find an exercise you love.
I love to run and I dream of running with my girls someday. However, if they do not enjoy running, I hope they pursue an exercise that they do enjoy. It's not about the number of calories burned or how many miles you have logged. Its just about moving your body and enjoying the process of it.
Fasting brings perspective.
This may seem like a contradiction to my point about food being fuel and honoring our hunger, but there are so many benefits to setting aside food for a short time. Every single time I fast, I find that my perspective on food has changed. While it is an important and necessary part of life, it is not the MOST important thing. I want God to rule my heart, thoughts, and desires, not food. Fasting is an excellent way to remember Who is on my throne.
Now, I want to hear from you. Is body image a struggle for you? How do you keep it all in the right perspective?
I do this thing that I'm not proud of. A thing I hope and pray my daughters never do. I stand in front of the mirror and think that all of God's creation is good.... except the body he gave me.
This body that sustained two little lives for nearly three years. This body that enables me to write, to run, to read. This body I laugh in, cry in. This body my husband pulls close in the dark. Even as these words fill the screen, I can see the harsh glare of the lie. It's a known fact that the world's view of women and bodies is twisted and wrong. How much has the world's mindset influenced my own thinking and body image? And how is my own view of my body influencing my girls?
Dove interviewed a group of moms and their daughters separately, asking them what they liked and disliked about their bodies. The daughters chose the same body parts as their moms. Because they had heard their mom complain about her big nose, short neck, or thick thighs, it made the daughters look in the mirror and criticize that same thing. This makes me want to cry. It would break my heart to hear my daughter complain about not having a thigh gap. In my eyes, she's beautiful and I wouldn't change a thing about how she looks. Why do I forget that God views me the same way? He CREATED me and he LOVES me.
There are so many layers to this subject of body image. There's diet culture, eating disorders, disordered eating, (yes, those are two different things) obesity, fad diets and truthfully, it all makes my head spin. How can a woman make sense of it all and have a healthy body image without becoming obsessed? I have found that if I frame this issue through the lens of what I want my daughters to know, it brings so much clarity.
So I'm writing this for my girls. Here's what I long for them to know about their bodies and how they look and move in the world. I will try my best to live this out because they are taking all their cues from me.
Bodies change.
I am not the same woman I was five years ago. I've felt darkness and light on levels I didn't know were possible. Those things have a way of changing a woman, softening her, molding her. I view the world through different eyes. While I embrace these changes in my character, I seem to think that my body should be the one thing that always stays the same. It's foolish and ridiculous. Nothing stays the same. Time never stops. I will chose to lean into the changes, rather than resent them.
Food is fuel.
Our bodies need food to function just like a car needs gas to run. When we feel hunger, its our bodies way of letting us know that the fuel is "low." When the gas light comes on in our car, we don't try to convince it that it doesn't need gas or tell it to wait two more hours and then it can have gas. We respect that light, and stop at a nearby gas station. Trying to convince ourselves that we are not hungry will not benefit us in any way and will leave us stranded on the side of the road, with no energy to live the life God gave us.
On the flip side of that coin, filling our gas tanks to the point of overflowing is not helpful either. Learning to recognize when we are satisfied is just as important as honoring our hunger.
Finally, a full gas tank can do nothing to help you if your tire is flat or your engine has blown up. In the same way, food does not help loneliness, stress, or worry. I want my daughters to see me turning to Jesus in those moments instead of opening the fridge door.
Please eat the cake.
It is okay to enjoy food, celebrate with food, and connect with people over food. It's more than okay. It's wonderful. While I try to not eat a lot of desserts at home, I never turn down cake at a birthday party or carry in. I love cake and eating it with friends, while laughing and talking, makes the experience even more enjoyable.
Find an exercise you love.
I love to run and I dream of running with my girls someday. However, if they do not enjoy running, I hope they pursue an exercise that they do enjoy. It's not about the number of calories burned or how many miles you have logged. Its just about moving your body and enjoying the process of it.
Fasting brings perspective.
This may seem like a contradiction to my point about food being fuel and honoring our hunger, but there are so many benefits to setting aside food for a short time. Every single time I fast, I find that my perspective on food has changed. While it is an important and necessary part of life, it is not the MOST important thing. I want God to rule my heart, thoughts, and desires, not food. Fasting is an excellent way to remember Who is on my throne.
Now, I want to hear from you. Is body image a struggle for you? How do you keep it all in the right perspective?
I wanted to comment on this post before but didn't get around to it. It made me think a lot. About the daughters not liking the same body parts as their moms.... and about the body changes..."I will chose to lean into the changes rather than resent them."
ReplyDeleteIt is crazy to expect to keep looking the same as when I was a girl but its hard work accepting added wrinkles that I can do nothing about. And please no gray hair yet!! (there is none yet thank you God) Lol its silly but its so real. Thank you for this post when I needed it...back when you posted it. I've grown up some since then lol :) (or maybe I just started worrying about other things and try not to look in the mirror anymore:)