The Truth & Goals

The whole truth and nothing but the truth:  I have a love/hate relationship with being a mom.

Let me explain.  Being a mom is a gift.  But for me, it hasn't been one of those gifts that I instantly fell in love with the moment I opened it.  It has been more like that gift that is super useful, maybe a little awkward, and totally not what you expected.  Kind of like receiving a brown, wool sweater when you were expecting a soft, floral scarf.  You say "Thank you," cuz' your mamma raised right but inside you're thinking, "What am I going to do with this thing?"  At first you wear it out of obligation.  It was a friend who gave it to you and you don't want to hurt her feelings.  But soon, you find yourself wearing it nearly everyday.  As it turns out, it is exactly what your wardrobe was missing... it  matches nearly any dress, its warm, it hides the smashed banana stains, and it's only slightly scratchy.

What was I talking about?  Oh yes, motherhood.  I got a bit carried away with the sweater analogy.  Here's how all that ties into my mothering experience.  At first, I did my job as a mom out of pure obligation.  There was a crying baby in my house and I didn't see anyone else standing around waiting to mother her so I did what I had to do.  It was hard.  Really hard.  It got easier.  And fourteen months later, I don't know what I'd do without that wool sweater (motherhood).  But some days are STILL SO SCRATCHY!  She craves touch.  I need my space.  She cries over anything.  Sometimes I do too.  She interrupts everything.  I feel like I'm gonna loose my mind over mixing up pancakes.

I make to do lists nearly every day.  They help me stay focused.  On a particularly scratchy day, I realized I had never made a "to do list for motherhood."  I knew just writing SOMETHING down would make me feel like I at least half had a plan.  This is what I came up with.

GOALS FOR THIS SEASON OF MOTHERHOOD

• Read to her and encourage a love of books.
• Teach her to be kind.
• Let her be imperfect.
• Let her see me being real and messy.
• Hold her when she needs held.
• Take a few hours for myself each week.
• Have hobbies that have nothing to do with motherhood.
• Laugh with her.
• Show her what it looks like to live for God every single day.

Surprisingly, nothing on that list has to do with getting the laundry done or oiling the hard wood floors.  Writing that list changed my whole perspective.  If it feels like she spent most of the day in my arms because she's cutting molars... that's ok.  I can still check something off my list.  I held her when she needed held.  If I take a moment to dance to the music in the kitchen, it makes her laugh.  Check number two.  At the end of my life, I'd much rather have a list like this checked off instead of my to do list.

How should I wrap this up?  I guess I would just like to say to all moms out there, "If you're having a scratchy day, try to mentally tear up your to do list and just love your baby.  Tomorrow is usually better.  And the dishes won't run away.  If they do, great!"  Now I'm going to close and repeat those words in quotation to myself at least once every hour!

*All credits for this post go to Sir Fredrick (my husband).  He came home from a service call on a Saturday afternoon and told me to go to Panera and write.  He just sent me a picture of our daughter sleeping on the couch.  I love that man.  I'm going to attempt adding some photos of him and her and us to this blog.  Soon.